Bullying
School days
This is a whole separate issue from the main thrust of my blog, but it's worth saying something here to set the context, and of course, it's a serious issue in its own right.
As a child and as a teenager, I was bullied mercilessly and relentlessly over many years, and this happened both at home, where my parents' primary weapon was a big whacker made of very bendy plastic, and at school. I knew that the bullies regarded me as their prime target so I never had any respite. If I wasn't actually being bullied, I was expecting it to happen at any moment. And since this was long before Childline was established, let alone Bullying UK, it's not difficult to figure out that there was nobody I could turn to for support. I learned very early on that I was going to have to find solutions to most of life's problems for myself. Yes, there have been times when others have been both willing and able to help (and I appreciate them for it), but ultimately I've known that I can't necessarily rely on other people.
Brains
There are a lot of things that I'm useless at including physical stuff like participant sports (my interest in sports is firmly limited to being a spectator) but one thing that I always had going for me was my brain. It may even be a reason for my parents disliking me in the first place, but it was certainly a factor in the bullying I suffered at school. When I was about 15, I remember one boy saying this.
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He obviously wasn't talking to me, but I was nearby and I understood immediately what he meant, but this oxymoron stuck in my mind. Brainy people sometimes (but not always) understand that we are all different. While I was never any good at participant sports, I can understand the appeal it would have for those who are good at them. However, it seems that people with average or below average brains often have difficulty in accepting that brainy people can get pleasure out of doing things which they are good at. Intellectual hobbies are often dismissed pejoratively, so people who enjoy them are classed as nutters, hence the quote I cited above. But even people with brains don't understand everything, and this is obvious when it comes to social issues such as bullying and unemployment. Pejorative attitudes know no boundaries in these areas.
They don't understand
People may say that it all happened a long time ago, but childhood shapes the rest of our lives. If somebody had chopped off one of my limbs, I would have had to live with the consequences forever. In the same way, victims of sustained bullying have to live with the legacy, although that legacy (unlike a missing limb) is invisible.
When the subject is debated publicly, some people suggest that everybody should be able to take a bit of stick. They obviously don't understand. Rather like the people who have always been able to find work and therefore regard unemployed people as benefit scroungers, they have a lot to learn. There's a world of difference between taking a bit of stick and being the victim of sustained bullying, not just over a few days or even a few months, but over many years.
Consequences
Unquestionably, bullies shaped my personality in many different ways, perhaps even in ways that I may not even realise. I'll never know what kind of person I would have been in different circumstances, but there was never any way that I was going to become head of a family, nor was I going to become an adult with an outgoing personality, which is the type generally favoured by employers, though I should add that I'm not a recluse either.
As Children, most people learn that smiling when you're happy is always a good idea. Things are different for victims of bullying. The bullies don't usually want their selected targets to be happy, because it is an indication that they've failed, though my parents occasionally wanted me to smile for the camera and never understood my reluctance, nor did they see the hypocrisy of it. While it's never a good idea to give into bullies in general terms, victims learn to hide positive feelings most of the time, knowing that if they laugh, smile or just sound enthusiastic, the bullies will make them miserable anyway. The net result of this is that, as an adult, I may sometimes sound negative or indifferent when I'm actually quite positive. This isn't a good thing, especially in job interviews, but it's so deeply ingrained in my psyche that it'll never change. Of course, I was able to get work in the old days despite my limitations in these areas.
Another major consequence, relevant to discussion of unemployment issues, is that I don't take kindly to any type of threats and intimidation. So, when anybody acting on behalf of the government says that I have to do things or else my benefits will be affected, I do them without any enthusiasm while making mental notes. This applies particularly when I think that I am being forced to do things that don't do any good, especially where they actually hamper my efforts to find a proper job. In any case, it doesn't need my kind of brain to work out that if the government's policies were brilliant (or even good), they wouldn't need those threats and intimidation anyway. Similarly, in the days when I had paid jobs, bosses who ruled by fear and intimidation didn't get the responses they wanted from me. Anything I achieved working for bullies was despite them and not because of them. I am far more effective working for bosses who exert control by other methods.
When everything clicked
During the eighties, I was watching That's life when there was a piece about people who had suffered serious sexual abuse as Children and what impact this had on them as adults. Now, what I suffered was bad enough, but I never had to cope with anything like this. Stories like these remind me that, however bad my life my seem at times, there are always plenty of people who are or have been in much worse situations. So I know that in some ways I am lucky, but I certainly could have been luckier.
Anyway, to get back to this particular showing of That's life, what struck me was that although I hadn't suffered anything like they had, I had been affected in very similar ways. I don't remember much of the detail of the piece, just the fact that I had been affected in many of the same ways that these other people had been affected. In our different ways, we've all got on with our lives as best we could and I've never suffered anything like the torment as an adult that I did as a child and as a teenager, but I've always been conscious that I'm different from other people.
The internet
People who complain about my Amazon reviews, wondering why I like just about everything that I review, may be surprised at what I've said here, but it could be that the internet simply provides an outlet for me to express my enthusiasm that traditionally has remained suppressed. It's like uncorking a bottle. Whether this changes anything in real life, I won't know until my cyber-world and my real world collide in a significant way; I appreciated the research project in which I participated in 2011, but it was a temporary reelief from my normal routine. I'm happy for my cyber-world and my real world to be kept apart just now. Of course, I get a lot of nasty comments on the internet, but I can cope with these especially as they are counterbalanced by other, much nicer, comments.
Bullied into "New Deal"
When I was forced back on to the government's stupid New Deal scheme in August 2007 as a result of their decision to make the scheme compulsory for people aged in their fifties, I made it clear that it was a waste of time and would serve no useful purpose as I'd tried it before and I could see that it wouldn't do me any good. I also promised that I would eventually take my case to the politicians and the News media, because I had to do everything I can to ensure it was my last New Deal experience. Having failed to get things changed, it wasn't really, because New Deal was replaced rather than scrapped, and only then because it was costing too much rather than because it was a failure. I was then told that a lot of people say this sort of thing but nothing ever happens because they never do anything. My response was that even if all other unemployed people are lazy or stupid or both, well I'm not. I'm actually quite articulate and this blog presents my perspective on unemployment in Britain today. It shows why New Deal was a bad deal along with its successors, and also proves that I'm not lazy or stupid. If I were either, I couldn't have done this. So far, my attempts to get the issues raised with the people who can make a difference have failed, but the internet works in mysterious ways. As long as this blog exists, it has the potential to cause problems for politicians.
Other people's experiences
Obviously, my story differs from some other victims in that I was bullied both at home and at school, so nobody had any sympathy with my plight. Children who are only bullied at either home or school find a respite at the other location, although some of their stories are also very disturbing. They sometimes get sympathy, but not all victims feel able to tell anybody about their plight because of fear of reprisals. However, despite some progress in attitudes to bullying, there is still a long way to go. The story of Carol Hill, a dinner lady who was sacked for telling parents of a bullied schoolgirl about what really happened, is particularly horrific. I live in hope that it will lead to a radical shake-up in schools, but I don't necessarily expect anything much to happen.
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